There’s an adage in journalism: Don’t become the story.
As reporters, we need to be objective observers, the eyes and ears of those who can’t gain access to the places or people we can. I’ve always taken that responsibility seriously, whether as a young news reporter or as an older sportswriter.
There’s another tenet in journalism I probably don’t adhere to as much as I should: Don’t become too close to your subjects. I’ve been doing this a long time, and many, many people — including athletes — have allowed me into their lives. I will acknowledge, though, that it’s impossible for me not to allow the human side to slip out on occasion.
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That empathy, I believe, is what allows writers to truly connect with their subjects and, consequently, deliver a story that moves readers. Because it moved us first.
That’s what happened with the story of Mike Tilley, which I’ve inadvertently been part of since last summer, when Tilley’s twin brother, Ryan, reached out to ask whether I could get a message to then-Orioles first baseman Trey Mancini.
I didn’t know Ryan Tilley personally. But he said he had been reading my Orioles coverage for years, dating back to my Baltimore Sun days. Ryan’s brother, Mike, had been diagnosed with colon cancer in July 2021 at age 30, and Ryan was hoping Mancini, a colon cancer survivor whom I’ve written about countless times, might send Mike a word or two of encouragement.
I forwarded Ryan Tilley’s contact information to Mancini and got out of the way. Don’t be part of the story, remember? Months went by, and Ryan contacted me again. He wanted to update me on Mike and thank me for facilitating the initial contact with Mancini.
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that Mancini didn’t simply offer a word of encouragement. He went much further. Few, if any, athletes I’ve ever covered are as genuine as Mancini. And he was driven to help others going through cancer treatments the way others had assisted him when he underwent 12 chemotherapy treatments in 2020.
The more I talked to Ryan, and after meeting the twins at Camden Yards this April, the more I realized this was an incredible story.
It was about a pro athlete who kept his promise to himself after beating cancer. It was about a successful engineer and newlywed who, along with his wife, had to navigate the confusing and often frustrating roads of cancer diagnosis and treatment. It was about advocating for your own health while leaning on others who have been through similar circumstances.
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And it was about the power of baseball and how it can provide needed distraction and joy when all else is dark.
Mike Tilley and Ryan Tilley at Camden Yards. (Courtesy of the Tilley family)Mancini and Mike Tilley didn’t just talk once. They became friends. Their first phone conversation lasted more than an hour, as Mancini went almost step by step through the process of surgery and treatment. Mancini was there via text to answer questions and check up on Mike when they hadn’t chatted in a while. Mancini also left Orioles tickets for Mike, a Yankees fan, whenever he felt good enough to head to Camden Yards from his home in Central Pennsylvania.
In writing my piece in July, I spoke to Mancini, to the Tilley twins and to Sarah Tilley, who married Mike shortly before the cancer diagnosis became official.
Each of the four stunned me with their honesty, their spirit, their compassion.
So, yeah, I felt connected too. In a small way. But connected nonetheless.
I stayed in contact with the Tilleys after the story ran, texting about Mike’s health, Mancini’s trade to the Houston Astros and how the twins immediately were looking to purchase Mancini/Astros gear.
Last week, Ryan Tilley texted me to let me know things weren’t progressing well, that the end was approaching. I sent Mike a text, telling him to hang in there and that I was pulling for him even though he was still a Yankees fan at heart. He sent a text back via his brother. It ended with, “Go Yankees.”
This weekend, the family made Mike as comfortable as they could, and they spent hours watching baseball and football together.
On Monday afternoon, Mancini and Ryan Tilley contacted me to let me know Mike had died earlier in the morning of Stage 4 colon cancer and complications resulting from the disease. He was 31.
It’s a devastating feeling, though I had spoken to Mike only a few times and met him briefly twice. His incredible story, and his brutal honesty, impacted me. I’ll never forget it.
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And that’s something Mike wanted most. For people to learn from his story. He told me toward the end of our first conversation that he was OK if he couldn’t beat cancer so long as it meant his friends and family would get early screenings and maybe save their lives.
He wanted to take that message to a national audience. The family created the Mike Tilley Nation Foundation — miketilleynation.org — which focuses on raising awareness of young-onset colorectal cancer and educating young adults about the symptoms that could indicate the disease.
When Mike Tilley first went to a doctor about discomfort in his abdomen, he was told it was likely something digestive and was given heartburn medication. When he asked if it could be colon cancer, Mike said the doctor told him he was too young. Four months went by and his symptoms worsened, so he was referred for a colonoscopy, which immediately showed a softball-sized tumor in his colon.
His family will never know what would have happened if he had been diagnosed earlier, and Mike Tilley tried not to dwell on that. Instead, he focused on making it easier for younger adults to understand what they are going through and what their options are.
Under the Affordable Care Act, insurance companies are required to cover screening colonoscopies starting at age 45, or for younger patients following a positive non-invasive screening test. The Tilley family — and Mike’s foundation — stresses the need for those initial screenings to be given more routinely.
As Mike Tilley told me a few months ago: “The most important thing for young adults is you have to be an advocate for your own health. It took too many doctors’ visits for me to get diagnosed, and I should have pushed harder. I went to my doctor and asked about colon cancer, and I was told, ‘No.’ And I kind of took his word for it. But you know your body better than anyone. So, I would tell any person, whether you’re young or old, if something is going on with your body, go to your doctor and really be an advocate for yourself.”
As he was dying, Mike Tilley was sharing an important message. One that will live on through his foundation. Through his family and friends.
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And, hopefully, through his story, one that I had the honor to write.
(Top photo of Trey Mancini and Mike Tilley courtesy of the Tilley family)
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